{"id":2650,"date":"2014-01-06T14:52:20","date_gmt":"2014-01-06T22:52:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/?p=2650"},"modified":"2014-07-28T12:18:58","modified_gmt":"2014-07-28T19:18:58","slug":"gender-and-the-woman-mediator","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/gender-and-the-woman-mediator\/","title":{"rendered":"Gender, Conflict and the Woman Mediator: Notes from Leyla Navaro"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"
Leyla Navaro, M.A.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Issues relating to gender, conflict resolution and, particularly, women mediators, were the topics of a telesalon organized by Elizabeth Bader with speakers Leyla Navaro, M.A., and Sharan L. Schwartzberg, Ed. D.<\/p>\n

After the conference, Leyla Navaro, M.A., was kind enough to share the notes she had prepared for her own presentation. She has also graciously allowed us to share them here.<\/p>\n

Bio of Leyla Navaro<\/strong><\/h1>\n

Leyla Navaro, M.A., is a psychotherapist, group leader and psychotherapist, clinic director, author, educator and trainer.<\/p>\n

She is the founder of a psychotherapy and group therapy clinic in Istanbul, Turke<\/a>y, where she still practices today.\u00a0 In addition to directing her clinic, she works as a psychotherapist and group therapist and conducts several therapy, and psycho-educational groups.\u00a0 She also presents her work regularly in the USA, Israel and Europe.<\/p>\n

She is Adjunct Faculty and Supervisor at BUREM, the Psychological Counseling Center of Bogazici University in Istanbul<\/a>.<\/p>\n

She has also published several books on gender issues.\u00a0 Her publications in English are:<\/p>\n

Leyla Navaro, Robi Friedman and Sharan Schwartzberg. (Eds).\u00a0 Desire, Passion & Gender: Clinical Implications <\/em><\/a>(Nova Science Publishers, New York, 2011).\u00a0 The Table of Contents for this unusual book is reproduced at the end of this post.<\/p>\n

Leyla Navaro and Sharan Schwartzberg (Eds). Envy<\/em>, Competition and Gender, Theory, Clinical Applications and Group Work<\/i><\/a> \u00a0(Brunner-Routledge 2007).<\/p>\n

Notes from Leyla Navaro:<\/strong>
\n<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/h1>\n

\u00a0What Stops Women From Showing Up?<\/b><\/h1>\n

This important question is the first topic analyzed in the notes.\u00a0\u00a0 Leyla Navaro’s comments are as follows:<\/p>\n

\u00a0\"iStock_000001350572XSmall\"<\/a><\/b><\/h1>\n

\u221a\u00a0to be modest is an appreciated feminine trait, appreciated by both men and women.\u00a0 Modesty<\/b> is still an asset for women no matter what her status is, whereas modesty can be a burden for men.\u00a0 Thus men learn to overcome their modesty; \u00a0they learn to show up and strongly hold to their visibility as position and status.<\/p>\n

\u221a visibility: appearance. <\/b>Until now, women\u2019s socially accepted visibility has generally been through their looks and appearance. A successful woman has to keep up with her appearance as well. A man\u2019s visibility is not necessarily parallel with his appearance.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u221a visibility: capacity and success:<\/b> a woman\u2019s success through her assets and capacity is well received both by men and most women.\u00a0 However, most women still suffer from internal inhibitions which prevent them from fully enjoying their success and their social visibility.<\/p>\n

\u221a women didn\u2019t learn to win and savor its success:<\/b>\u00a0 men learn from a young age to be in win\/lose games and are trained in winning or losing.\u00a0 They don\u2019t necessarily feel guilt towards the loser and don\u2019t try to empathize with the loser\u2019s feelings.\u00a0 Empathizing and feeling guilt towards the loser are serious handicaps for women in win\/lose games.<\/p>\n

\u221a women are afraid of competition:<\/b> showing up invites aggression and competitiveness and women are not well prepared, unlike most men, to address or measure up to aggression and harsh competitiveness, be it their own felt aggression or aggression and competitiveness coming from others.<\/p>\n

\u221a women avoid showing up <\/b>in competitive situations, thus opt to not use their full potential. <\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u221a women prefer to play lose\/lose<\/b> instead of win\/lose because they don\u2019t want to comply with the consequent feelings of winning (guilt, empathy for loser, fear of retaliation, fear of success).<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u221a women resent other women who opt to show up and win.\u00a0 Their usual punishment is ostracization and gossiping<\/b> against her.\u00a0 Most women fear this female resentment\/punishment, thus avoid showing up and being successful for the sake of preserving relationships.<\/p>\n

\u221a relationships and connections are more important to women than success or showing up.\u00a0 By contrast men have been trained for success and show up as part of their malehood. And opt more easily for success and showing up instead of connection and relationship.<\/p>\n

\u221a \u201ctoo much\u201d: <\/b>those women who assert themselves or can be competitive or aggressive openly are considered \u201ctoo much\u201d both by men and women.\u00a0 This is a superlative used pejoratively only for women.\u00a0 A man is never \u201ctoo competitive, too intelligent, too strong\u201d. i.e. Hillary Clinton, Condolezza Rice.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u221a there\u2019s still a lack of positive role models for women<\/b>:\u00a0 successful women mediators, successful lawyers, elicit a lot of respect and women are advantaged in the sense that public opinion is used to successful men but nowadays when a woman is righteously successful, she elicits admiration and respect, thus she\u2019s better seen and brought into spotlight.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u221a healthy entitlement<\/b>: as compared to most men, women have not learned to enjoy healthy entitlement to life assets, i.e. to enjoy and take in admiration, love, success, advancement, etc.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Mediation and Gender<\/b><\/h1>\n

\"iStock_000001350564XSmall\"<\/a><\/p>\n

The notes begin by noting the considerable advantages\u00a0<\/strong>women may have as mediators.\u00a0 In realistic fashion, however, some of the challenges are also discussed:<\/p>\n

\u221a mediation requires EMPATHY,\u00a0 CREATIVITY<\/b> and good skills in CONNECTION<\/b> and RELATIONALITY<\/b>.\u00a0 Those are assets acquired mostly by women from young age on.\u00a0 Therefore women are actually more advantaged in their acquired skills to work in mediating roles.\u00a0 However, because of the above, that is lack of self-confidence, lack of assertion and self-doubt, women may fail to use their skills in an effective way, consequently losing their convincing power.<\/p>\n

\u221a mediation requires taking and keeping a good distance<\/span><\/b> with both parties.\u00a0 Until now, male development emphasized men learning to keep a good distance with emotional or conflictual issues.\u00a0 This works usually in favor of male mediators.\u00a0 Moreover, both as men and women, we\u2019ve learned that mothers are more emotionally involved as compared to fathers; therefore we may have our own prejudices with regard to male or female mediators.\u00a0 Those prejudices may affect the mediating process re: the gender of the mediator, that is, because of gender prejudices a male mediator may inspire better confidence than a female one and conflicting parties may be either defensive, prejudiced or feel open to mediation depending on their own prejudices regarding the gender of the mediator.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u221a mediation deals directly with win\/lose and power-over games which men are better acquainted with and better skilled.\u00a0 Women\u2019s usual approach to win\/lose is rather win\/win and power-with methods which are quite applicable to mediation.\u00a0 But women\u2019s lack of skills in win\/lose and power-over approaches may make them more vulnerable and less effective in those fields.<\/p>\n

__________________________<\/p>\n

Table of Contents<\/strong>:\u00a0 <\/b>Desire, Passion & Gender: Clinical Implications<\/em><\/a>, by Leyla Navaro (Bo\u00f0azi\u00e7i University, Istanbul, Turkey ) Robi Friedman (Haifa University, Haifa, Israel), Sharan L. Schwartzberg (Tufts University, Boston, MA, USA)(Eds) (Nova Science Publishers, New York, 2011).<\/p>\n

Preface pp. i-xxvii
\n(Leyla Navaro, Robi Friedman and Sharan L. Schwartzberg)<\/p>\n

Foreword
\n(Stephen Frosh)<\/p>\n

Acknowledgments<\/p>\n

Introduction and Review of the Literature
\n(Robi Friedman, Leyla Navaro, Sharan L. Schwartzberg)<\/p>\n

Part I. Gender Dynamics in Desire and Passion
\nIntroduction to Part 1, pp. 1-4
\n(Sharan L. Schwartzberg, Vanessa Vega)<\/p>\n

1. The Jewish Groom and the Broken Glass: Men\u2019s Transformations of Passion, pp. 5-18
\n(Avi Berman)<\/p>\n

2. Gendered Desires: The Troubles of Good Women with Bad Feelings, pp. 19-35
\n(Miriam Berger)<\/p>\n

3. Emotional Conflicts of \u201cNew Men\u201d: A Case-Study About Passion and Desire in a Men\u2019s Group, pp. 37-45
\n(Holger Brandes)<\/p>\n

4. The Passion of the \u2018Bad Girls\u2019: Women\u2019s Struggles with Desire and Passion, pp. 47-60
\n(Leyla Navaro)<\/p>\n

Part II. Mythic Representations: Gendered Expression of Passion and Desire<\/p>\n

Introduction to Part II, pp. 63-64
\n(Sharan L. Schwartzberg, Vanessa Vega)<\/p>\n

5. Desire Leading to Death: They Myth of Echo and Narcissus; Narcissus and Echo: Vision and Hearing in Early Development and Some Applications to Individual and Group Psychotherapy, pp. 65-79
\n(Malcolm Pines)<\/p>\n

6. Is That All There is Between Desire and Passion, pp. 81-95
\n(Macario Giraldo)<\/p>\n

7. The Interactive Dance Between Envy and Desire, pp. 97-116
\n(Michael Kaufman and Maria Ross)<\/p>\n

Part III. Working with Desire in the Therapy Room<\/p>\n

Introduction to Part III, pp. 119-120
\n(Sharan L. Schwartzberg and Vanessa Vega)<\/p>\n

8. Uniting and Dividing the Genders: A Dialogue on Desire and Passion, pp. 121-137
\n(Robi Friedman)<\/p>\n

9. \u201cEnemies, Love Story:\u201d Gender Differences in the Expression of Love, Hate and Desire, pp. 139-148
\n(Gila Ofer)<\/p>\n

10. The Erotic Link as a Psychoanalytic Object: Its Inhibitions and Exhibitions, pp. 149-165
\n(Richard Billow)<\/p>\n

Part IV. Culture and Values Affecting Desire and Passion
\nIntroduction to Part IV, pp. 169-170
\n(Sharan L. Schwartzberg, Vanessa Vega)<\/p>\n

11. The (Un)veiled Desire – A Look into the Mirror, pp. 171-184
\n(Regine Scholz)<\/p>\n

12. Psychodynamics of Passion for Justice and Desire for Revenge, pp. 185-199
\n(Maria van Noort)<\/p>\n

Conclusion and Therapeutic Implications, pp. 201-219
\n(Leyla Navaro, Robi Friedman, Sharan L. Schwartzberg)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Issues relating to gender, conflict and women mediators are discussed in these notes from Leyla Navaro, M.A., a group therapist, author, educator and trainer. The notes were originally generated for an international telesalon organized by Elizabeth Bader, with Leyla Navaro, M.A. and Sharan L. Schwartzberg, 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