{"id":3477,"date":"2014-10-14T13:49:31","date_gmt":"2014-10-14T20:49:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/?p=3477"},"modified":"2022-06-11T15:53:03","modified_gmt":"2022-06-11T22:53:03","slug":"trauma-healing-mediation-spirituality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/trauma-healing-mediation-spirituality\/","title":{"rendered":"Beyond Technique: Trauma Healing, Mediation and Spirituality (Wu wei or \u7121\u70ba)"},"content":{"rendered":"<!--themify_builder_content-->\n<div id=\"themify_builder_content-3477\" data-postid=\"3477\" class=\"themify_builder_content themify_builder_content-3477 themify_builder tf_clear\">\n    <\/div>\n<!--\/themify_builder_content-->\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/psychology-of-conflict-resolution-beyond-interest-based-negotiation\/e_bader49711-e13574169642544\/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1444\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" wp-image-1444 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/E_Bader49711-e13574169642544.jpg\" alt=\"Elizabeth Bader\" width=\"133\" height=\"175\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/E_Bader49711-e13574169642544.jpg 133w, https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/E_Bader49711-e13574169642544-114x150.jpg 114w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 133px) 100vw, 133px\" \/><\/a> In this post, I speak about the nature of moments of deep resolution in trauma healing, spirituality and mediation by drawing on:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a title=\"Peter Levine on the Spiritual Journey and Healing Trauma\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/peter-levine-spiritual-journey-healng-traum\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Peter Levine<\/a>\u2019s work on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/category\/healing-trauma\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">healing trauma<\/a> (<a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Somatic_Experiencing\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Somatic Experiencing<\/a>\u00ae),<\/li>\n<li>Daniel Stern&#8217;s work on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/?p=4024&amp;preview=true#NowMoments\"><em>now moments<\/em><\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0the process of change in healing relationships,<\/li>\n<li>my own work on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/SelfandIdentity.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">psychology of mediation<\/a>, impasse and the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/category\/resolving-conflict\/the-idr-cycle\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">IDR cycle in mediation<\/a>,<\/li>\n<li>the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/category\/understanding-spirituality\/theory-of-holes\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Theory of Holes<\/a>, a theory about the relationship between psychology and spirituality (<a title=\"Recovering Essence on the Spiritual Journey (Almaas, Muqaddam and the Theory of Holes)\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/recovering-essence-spiritual-journey-almaas\/\">A. H. Almaas and Faisal Muqaddam<\/a>),<\/li>\n<li>the work of <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/John_G._Bennett\">J.G. Bennett<\/a>, a teacher of the Fourth Way; and<\/li>\n<li>the possibility of true mastery arising out of our &#8220;being with&#8221; what is happening, that is, the mastery of nondoing known as <em>wu wei<\/em> (Chinese: <span lang=\"zh-Hant\"><a class=\"extiw\" title=\"wikt:\u7121\u70ba\" href=\"https:\/\/en.wiktionary.org\/wiki\/%E7%84%A1%E7%82%BA\">\u7121\u70ba)<\/a><\/span>.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>As I discuss below,\u00a0I believe there is often a tension between &#8220;technique&#8221; and our spontaneity and our\u00a0simple human presence during deep moments of resolution.<\/p>\n<p>The ability to hold this tension is, I believe, what constitutes mastery of a craft or a profession.\u00a0 Ultimately, it is that ability which can lead to real mastery, the mastery of nondoing or<strong> <i>wu wei<\/i><\/strong> (Chinese: <span lang=\"zh-Hant\"><a class=\"extiw\" title=\"wikt:\u7121\u70ba\" href=\"https:\/\/en.wiktionary.org\/wiki\/%E7%84%A1%E7%82%BA\">\u7121\u70ba)<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<p>It\u00a0is also, I believe, the core of\u00a0spiritual practice.<\/p>\n<h1><strong>A Trauma Healing with Peter Levine<\/strong><\/h1>\n<figure id=\"attachment_3934\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-3934\" style=\"width: 150px\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/trauma-healing-mediation-spirituality\/peter-levine\/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-3934\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-3934\" src=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/Peter-Levine.jpg\" alt=\"Peter Levine\" width=\"150\" height=\"163\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/Peter-Levine.jpg 150w, https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/Peter-Levine-138x150.jpg 138w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-3934\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Peter Levine, Ph.D.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>In a recent training on healing trauma that I was privileged to attend, <a title=\"Peter Levine on the Spiritual Journey and Healing Trauma\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/peter-levine-spiritual-journey-healng-traum\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Peter Levine, Ph.D.<\/a> did a session with a\u00a0 woman with severe <a title=\"Trauma 101: Physiology &amp; Causes of PTSD\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/trauma-101-and-ptsd\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">PTSD<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>This woman had experienced abandonment, neglect and physical deprivations of many kinds. Yet she was an extraordinary, proud and creative person.\u00a0She responded to the work with Peter in a glorious and powerful way.<\/p>\n<p>I found myself crying.\u00a0 Many in the audience were also crying, and, by the end, <a title=\"Peter Levine on the Spiritual Journey and Healing Trauma\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/peter-levine-spiritual-journey-healng-traum\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Peter Levine<\/a> himself was crying. I will call her Gloria.<\/p>\n<h1><b>The Path Beyond Technique in\u00a0Trauma Healing <\/b><\/h1>\n<p>Much of the session consisted of Peter&#8217;s guiding Gloria\u00a0through the workmanlike execution of <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Somatic_Experiencing\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Somatic Experiencing\u00ae<\/a> techniques for healing trauma including:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Pendulation &#8212; Shifting bodily awareness back and forth\u00a0between regions of\u00a0ease and\u00a0discomfort in the body in order to modulate\u00a0discomforting or traumatic sensations.<sup class='footnote'><a href='#fn-3477-1' id='fnref-3477-1' onclick='return fdfootnote_show(3477)'>1<\/a><\/sup><\/li>\n<li>Titration &#8212;\u00a0\u00a0Encouraging clients to\u00a0deal only with very small manageable areas of discomfort or trauma at any\u00a0one time. A part of pendulation, this helps\u00a0avoid retraumatization.<sup class='footnote'><a href='#fn-3477-2' id='fnref-3477-2' onclick='return fdfootnote_show(3477)'>2<\/a><\/sup><\/li>\n<li>Supportive, appropriate physical contact &#8212; Providing his arm as a place for Gloria to push against the resistance to feeling that had come to characterize so much of her life, as a part of<\/li>\n<li>Retoring\u00a0active responses &#8212; Encouraging the recovery of the active self-protective reflexes\u00a0that are overwhelmed during trauma.<sup class='footnote'><a href='#fn-3477-3' id='fnref-3477-3' onclick='return fdfootnote_show(3477)'>3<\/a><\/sup><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<figure id=\"attachment_3587\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-3587\" style=\"width: 320px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/320px-Tiger-zoologie_de0001_22.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-3587 \" src=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/320px-Tiger-zoologie_de0001_22.jpg\" alt=\"Tiger, symbol of healthy defensive responses\" width=\"320\" height=\"213\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/320px-Tiger-zoologie_de0001_22.jpg 320w, https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/320px-Tiger-zoologie_de0001_22-150x99.jpg 150w, https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/320px-Tiger-zoologie_de0001_22-250x166.jpg 250w, https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/320px-Tiger-zoologie_de0001_22-300x199.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 320px) 100vw, 320px\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-3587\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Restoring active responses &#8212; waking the tiger &#8212; is a core part of the technique for healing trauma developed by Peter Levine Ph.D.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>But Peter also made a point of saying that the most crucial thing was to stay and be in one&#8217;s humanity with the client, another human being. And this was demonstrated by the way he worked with Gloria.<\/p>\n<p>For example, at one point, Gloria mentioned that she enjoyed singing a certain spiritual.\u00a0 In response, Peter asked her to sing it then, <em>now.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Technically, this could be described as &#8220;resourcing&#8221; &#8212; encouraging the client to connect with images or sensations which are positive or soothing,\u00a0not traumatic.<sup class='footnote'><a href='#fn-3477-4' id='fnref-3477-4' onclick='return fdfootnote_show(3477)'>4<\/a><\/sup><\/p>\n<p>But it was more than that. As she sang in her soulful and dignified way, her humanity, not\u00a0her trauma, filled the room.<\/p>\n<h1><strong>The Work of Daniel Stern: Moment-by-Moment Analyses of How People Change<\/strong><\/h1>\n<figure id=\"attachment_3506\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-3506\" style=\"width: 256px\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/daniel_stern.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" wp-image-3506 \" src=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/daniel_stern.png\" alt=\"Daniel Stern, M.D. \" width=\"256\" height=\"160\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/daniel_stern.png 320w, https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/daniel_stern-150x93.png 150w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 256px) 100vw, 256px\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-3506\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Daniel Stern, M.D. (1934-2012)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>During the training, Peter mentioned the work of <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Daniel_Stern_(psychologist)\">Daniel Stern<\/a> several times.\u00a0 The two had given a training workshop together in Switzerland some years ago.<\/p>\n<p>Stern\u00a0 is probably best known for his pioneering work filming and analyzing the <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/The_Interpersonal_World_of_the_Infant\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">moment-by-moment interactons of mothers and infants<\/a>.\u00a0More recently, Stern, sometimes working with the Boston Change Process Study Group,\u00a0has analyzed moment-to-moment interactions in other contexts, including therapy.<\/p>\n<p>Stern has argued that\u00a0his approach is also applicable to negotiation. As <a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/SelfandIdentity.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">I have argued<\/a>\u00a0in my work on\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/publications.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">the psychology of mediation<\/a>,\u00a0I believe it is applicable to\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/SelfandIdentity.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">mediation<\/a>\u00a0as well.<\/p>\n<h1><strong>I Grasp Your Hand in Mind: The <em>Present Moment<\/em>\u00a0as a Human Moment in Therapy<\/strong><\/h1>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/trauma-healing-mediation-spirituality\/business-man\/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1568\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-1568 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/iStock_000004547968XSmall.jpg\" alt=\"Daniel Stern's concept of a moment of meeting encompasses a handshake\" width=\"425\" height=\"282\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/iStock_000004547968XSmall.jpg 425w, https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/iStock_000004547968XSmall-150x99.jpg 150w, https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/iStock_000004547968XSmall-400x265.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/iStock_000004547968XSmall-300x199.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 425px) 100vw, 425px\" \/><\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/trauma-healing-mediation-spirituality\/psychology-of-conflict-resolution-4\/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-334\"><br \/><\/a>Daniel Stern sees therapy as an intersubjective process which unfolds through a series of &#8220;<em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/?p=4024&amp;#PresentMoment\">present moments<\/a>.&#8221;\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0By examining the parties&#8217; interactions on a moment-to-moment basis, Stern develops insights about the <em>experience\u00a0<\/em>of therapy, not just its verbal content.<\/p>\n<p>For example, consider this scenario:<\/p>\n<p>A therapist had a practice of shaking hands with patients at the end of their sessions. One day, after a very deep session, as a patient was leaving, the therapist held the patient&#8217;s outstretched hand in <i>both<\/i> of his own hands, instead of his usual handshake. \u00a0They looked at each for several seconds.<\/p>\n<p>Stern notes:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>This handshake\u00a0was a turning point in their relationship.\u00a0\u00a0Yet it never had to be discussed. \u00a0<i>It entered their implicit knowledge about their relationship.<\/i><\/li>\n<li>This moment\u00a0was the culmination of many preceding moments.\u00a0 But it <i>emerged spontaneously, and was\u00a0not planned or predictable.\u00a0 <\/i>As\u00a0\u00a0Stern said, &#8220;[life] changes in leaps.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Each\u00a0of them sensed the experience of the other.\u00a0 <i>A new state of\u00a0\u00a0intersubjectivity was created.<\/i><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I would add that during this special handshake, as in Gloria\u2019s session, there was a recognition of the human, not just the technical or professional dimension of their relationship.<em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<h1><strong>The <em>Now Moment\u00a0<\/em>as a Call\u00a0to Move Beyond Technique<\/strong><\/h1>\n<p>According to Stern, during certain highly charged moments, which he calls <em>now moments,<\/em><sup class='footnote'><a href='#fn-3477-5' id='fnref-3477-5' onclick='return fdfootnote_show(3477)'>5<\/a><\/sup> the parties bump up against the usual\u00a0parameters of their relationship. A crisis is created. The parties are pulled forcefully into the present, <em>now.<\/em> Examples of these <em>now\u00a0moments<\/em> include:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>A patient doing therapy on the couch suddenly sits up and forcefully demands a face-to-face encounter with the therapist;<\/li>\n<li>A therapist goes to the movies and finds herself on line just behind a patient; or<\/li>\n<li>A party in a lengthy, high-conflict, must-settle\u00a0mediation receives the news that her supposedly final offer has been rejected (my example).<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Stern emphasizes that during\u00a0<em>now <\/em>moments &#8220;s<i>omething beyond a neutral, technical response,&#8221;\u00a0<\/i>is demanded of the practitioner.<sup class='footnote'><a href='#fn-3477-6' id='fnref-3477-6' onclick='return fdfootnote_show(3477)'>6<\/a><\/sup> And precisely for that reason, the practitioner &#8220;feels disarmed and the level of anxiety rises because he or she really does not know what to do.&#8221; <sup class='footnote'><a href='#fn-3477-7' id='fnref-3477-7' onclick='return fdfootnote_show(3477)'>7<\/a><\/sup><\/p>\n<p>According to Stern, during these <em>now<\/em>\u00a0moments, if the practitioner plays it too safe, and insists on hiding behind technical moves,\u00a0the threat\u00a0may be disarmed, but\u00a0the opportunity for real progress evaporates<strong>.<\/strong><\/p>\n<h1><strong><em>Moments of Meeting:<\/em>\u00a0 Moments of Deep Resolution \u00a0<\/strong><\/h1>\n<p>According to Stern, a\u00a0<em>now moment<\/em> demands instead a\u00a0real &#8220;<em>moment of meeting<\/em>&#8221; &#8212;\u00a0 a moment of true intersubjective contact. Examples include:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>A sincere,\u00a0special handshake for a vulnerable client after a challenging session described above;<\/li>\n<li>A\u00a0therapist\u00a0responds with a gentle &#8220;hello&#8221; when\u00a0confronted with the patient&#8217;s demand for\u00a0eye contact.<\/li>\n<li>The trainees observing Gloria&#8217;s session burst into applause after her song, dispensing with the usual custom\u00a0of \u00a0maintaining silence;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>During these <em>moments of meeting<\/em>, Stern emphasizes that the practitioner must not only react in a nontechnical way, but one which is exactly &#8220;fitted&#8221; to the <em>present moment<\/em> of the situation.<\/p>\n<h1><strong><em>Moments of Meeting <\/em>During\u00a0Mediation Impasse <\/strong><\/h1>\n<p>In my experience, <em>moments <\/em><em>of meeting<\/em> occur frequently during the mediation of civil disputes, especially during impasse. This is because parties in these mediations typically go through a psychological cycle which I have called <a title=\"The Psychology of Mediation (II): The IDR Cycle, A New Model For Understanding Mediation\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/the-psychology-of-mediation-ii-the-idr-cycle-a-new-model-for-understanding-mediation\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">the IDR cycle<\/a> &#8212; this is a cycle of ego-<em>inflation<\/em> (overconfidence), ego-<em>deflation<\/em>, and, finally, <em>realistic resolution<\/em>. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/trauma-healing-mediation-spirituality\/deflation\/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-3961\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-3961\" src=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/Deflation-e1398710573404.jpg\" alt=\"Deflation\" width=\"300\" height=\"251\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Impasse occurs after deflation has entered the picture &#8212; when each party discovers that their hope for easy resolution on their own terms will not be realized.<\/p>\n<p>Impasse, then,\u00a0 is a tender time. \u00a0What <a title=\"Recovering Essence on the Spiritual Journey (Almaas, Muqaddam and the Theory of Holes)\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/recovering-essence-spiritual-journey-almaas\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Almaas and Muqaddam<\/a> have called a\u00a0<a title=\"Recovering Essence on the Spiritual Journey (Almaas, Muqaddam and the Theory of Holes)\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/recovering-essence-spiritual-journey-almaas\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">&#8220;hole&#8221;<\/a> opens up &#8212; <a title=\"Recovering Essence on the Spiritual Journey (Almaas, Muqaddam and the Theory of Holes)\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/recovering-essence-spiritual-journey-almaas\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">a sense of deficiency,<\/a> often accompanied by <a title=\"From Judgment to Compassion: The Superego (Inner Critic) In Spirituality &amp; Conflict Resolution\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/the-superego-in-spirituality-and-conflict-resolution\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">self-judgment<\/a> &#8212; as the parties realize they will never reach their desired goals. This may manifest outwardly as disappointment, or anger, or refusal to budge.<\/p>\n<p>Ideally, this &#8220;<a title=\"Recovering Essence on the Spiritual Journey (Almaas, Muqaddam and the Theory of Holes)\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/recovering-essence-spiritual-journey-almaas\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">hole<\/a>&#8221; is filled in exactly the way Daniel Stern describes &#8212; by a moment of real contact with\u00a0 the mediator (or with the other side of the dispute), a moment in which the reality of the situation is faced. As I have said in my work for the <a href=\"http:\/\/elizabethbader.com\/SelfandIdentity.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">legal<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/onlinelibrary.wiley.com\/doi\/abs\/10.1002\/aps.295\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">psychotherapeutic<\/a> communities, while discussing impasse:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>This \u201cmoment of meeting\u201d happens in mediation when the mediator\u2019s sincere belief that the dispute may indeed not settle is conveyed to the parties.\u00a0 This reinforces for them that now is the time of personal responsibility; they must indeed decide whether or not to bring the matter to resolution.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Ideally, then, it is through this <em>moment of meeting<\/em> that the parties become able to hear the message: &#8220;unfortunately, this will not settle entirely on your terms, you will have to decide or compromise.&#8221; If so, they may become more able to make the choices and compromises necessary to move on.<\/p>\n<h1><strong>The Psychology of Mediation: Impasse and the Mediator&#8217;s Ego<\/strong><\/h1>\n<p>Yet, as Stern describes, and <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mediate.com\/articles\/baderE2.cfm\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">I have spoken about as well<\/a>, there may be a price to pay on our side.<\/p>\n<p>We may have to confront our own <a title=\"Recovering Essence on the Spiritual Journey (Almaas, Muqaddam and the Theory of Holes)\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/recovering-essence-spiritual-journey-almaas\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">holes<\/a>, our own\u00a0uncertainty and our own humanity once it becomes evident the dispute may not settle despite all our hard work. If we do, we may then be able to spontaneously come forth with what \u00a0is really needed &#8212; what Stern calls a &#8220;fitted response,&#8221;\u00a0 a specific, attuned nontechnical &#8212; deeply human &#8212; response.<\/p>\n<p>During\u00a0mediation impasse, as I mentioned above, this may simply mean that we sincerely and respectfully acknowledge the dispute will not settle without significant movement by the parties. \u00a0If, with our help, they can then disengage from their ego investment \u00a0in the outcome, then, hopefully, they will be able to face \u00a0this difficult truth and move on to realistic resolution.<\/p>\n<h1><strong>A\u00a0Doorway to True Mastery<\/strong><\/h1>\n<p>Ultimately, it seems,\u00a0our techniques are designed to fail us at times, perhaps because\u00a0authentic human contact is needed or the conflicts we confront\u00a0are simply intractable. During these times, if we are able to\u00a0<a title=\"The Psychology of Mediation, Part I: The Mediator\u2019s Issues of Self and Identity\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/resolving-conflict-and-ego\/\">let go of our professional ego ideal as\u00a0the &#8220;expert,&#8221;<\/a> something deeper may emerge, something closer to who we really are, to our human <i>being.<\/i><\/p>\n<p>We may then find that sincerity and humility can accomplish what mere technical skill could not. \u00a0Something we say or do &#8212; often something quite simple &#8212; \u00a0turns out to be just what was needed to break through a barrier or provide much needed relief. Resolution\u00a0finally arrives, perhaps seemingly on its own.<\/p>\n<p>Stated another way, what\u00a0Daniel Stern calls &#8220;<em>something beyond a neutral, technical response<\/em>\u201d can happen naturally if we remain anchored in ourselves and with the actual relationship unfolding with clients. Particularly if we are are anchored <em>in our bodies, <\/em>the resonance<sup class='footnote'><a href='#fn-3477-8' id='fnref-3477-8' onclick='return fdfootnote_show(3477)'>8<\/a><\/sup>\u00a0can become quite palpable. Often, this is actually what can cause a shift.<\/p>\n<p>But &#8212; and this is important &#8212; even when things are difficult, or seem \u00a0hopeless, we must also stay within role. \u00a0This is the tension we must hold.<\/p>\n<div><a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/John_G._Bennett\">John Bennett<\/a> has described this dynamic well in his discussion of &#8220;doing,&#8221; by which he means real doing, instead of mere reacting or merely enacting a technique by rote:<\/div>\n<blockquote>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 60px;\"><span style=\"line-height: 1.5em;\">We can have two contradictory states in us &#8212; a state of &#8220;I must&#8221; and a state of &#8220;I cannot.&#8221; \u00a0If we lose one of these, then some compromise arises. We either do what we can, or do something different and pretend it is what we must do. \u00a0But if we don&#8217;t compromise, then this can bring us to that moment when something else emerges that is neither affirming that we must, nor denying that we can. \u00a0<strong><em>It is just the action. \u00a0The action appears.<\/em><\/strong><sup class='footnote'><a href='#fn-3477-9' id='fnref-3477-9' onclick='return fdfootnote_show(3477)'>9<\/a><\/sup><\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Ironically, this doing through skillful not-doing, what the Chinese call <em>wu-wei,<\/em><sup class='footnote'><a href='#fn-3477-10' id='fnref-3477-10' onclick='return fdfootnote_show(3477)'>10<\/a><\/sup> appears to others as a form of mastery. And indeed that is exactly what it is.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><span class=\"Apple-style-span\" style=\"font-size: 28px; font-weight: bold;\"><strong>Bibliography<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Elizabeth E. Bader<\/strong>\u00a0(2010)\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/SelfandIdentity.pdf\">\u00a0<i>The Psychology of Mediation: Issues of Self and Identity and the IDR Cycle<\/i>,<\/a>\u00a010 Pepperdine Dispute Resolution Law Journal 183.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Elizabeth Bader<\/strong>\u00a0(2010)\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.mediate.com\/articles\/baderE3.cfm\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">The Psychology of Mediation (II): The IDR Cycle, A New Model For Understanding Mediation<\/a>. (on mediate.com; here is an\u00a0<a title=\"The Psychology of Mediation (II): The IDR Cycle, A New Model For Understanding Mediation\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/the-psychology-of-mediation-ii-the-idr-cycle-a-new-model-for-understanding-mediation\/\">illustrated version<\/a>.)<\/p>\n<p><strong>Elizabeth Bader\u00a0<\/strong>(2010)\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.mediate.com\/articles\/baderE2.cfm\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">&#8220;The Psychology of Mediation, Part I: The Mediator&#8217;s Issues of Self and Identity.&#8221;<\/a>\u00a0(on mediate.com and <a title=\"The Psychology of Mediation, Part I: The Mediator\u2019s Issues of Self and Identity\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/resolving-conflict-and-ego\/\">here<\/a>.)<\/p>\n<p><strong>Elizabeth E. Bader<\/strong>\u00a0(2011) \u00a0<em>Self, Identity and the IDR Cycle: Understanding the Deeper Meaning of \u2018Face\u2019 in Mediation,<\/em>\u00a0International Journal of Applied Psychoanalytic Studies, \u00a0Wiley Online Library.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><strong>Elizabeth Bader<\/strong>\u00a0(2013)\u00a0<em>Recovering Essence on the Spiritual Journey (Almaas, Muqaddam and the Theory of Holes).<\/em>\u00a0<a title=\"Recovering Essence on the Spiritual Journey (Almaas, Muqaddam and the Theory of Holes)\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/recovering-essence-spiritual-journey-almaas\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/recovering-essence-spiritual-journey-almaas\/<\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>J. G. Bennett<\/strong> (1989)\u00a0<em>Sacred Influences. \u00a0<\/em>Chapter 3, &#8220;Doing,&#8221; New Mexico: Bennett Books.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Diane Poole Heller, Ph.D. with Laurence S. Heller, Ph.D.<\/strong> (2001)\u00a0<em>Crash Course: A Self-Healing Guide to Auto Accident Trauma &amp; Recovery. North Atlantic Books: Berkeley<em>.<\/em><\/em><\/p>\n<p><b>Peter A. Levine with Ann Frederick\u00a0<\/b>(1997).\u00a0<em>Waking\u00a0the Tiger: Healing trauma: The Innate Capacity to Transform Overwhelming Experiences<\/em>.\u00a0North Atlantic Books: Berkeley.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Peter A. Levine, Ph.D.\u00a0<\/strong>(2010)\u00a0<em>In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness.\u00a0<\/em>North Atlantic Books: Berkeley<em>.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Daniel J. Siegel, M.D.<\/strong> (2012) <i>The Developing Mind: How Relatioships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are<\/i> (Second Edition)<i>.\u00a0 <\/i>Guilford Press:New York.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Edward Slingerland<\/strong> (2003)\u00a0<em>Effortless Action, Wu-Wei as Conceptual Metaphor and Spiritual Ideal in Early China.\u00a0<\/em>Oxford University Press: New York.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Edward Slingerland\u00a0<\/strong>(2014)\u00a0<em>Trying Not to Try: The Art and Science of Spontaneity.<\/em> Crown Publishers: New York.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Daniel N. Stern, M.D.<\/strong>\u00a0(2004).\u00a0<i>The Present Moment in Psychotherapy and Everyday Life<\/i>. \u00a0W. W. \u00a0Norton: New York.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Daniel N. Stern, M.D.<\/strong>\u00a0(2004a). The present moment as a critical moment.\u00a0<i>Negotiation Journal, 20,\u00a0<\/i>365-372.<\/p>\n<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>Gratitude<\/strong><\/h1>\n<div>With thanks to Brad Kammer for his comments.<\/div>\n\n<div class='footnotes' id='footnotes-3477'><div class='footnotedivider'><\/div><ol><li id='fn-3477-1'> See, e.g., Peter Levine, 2010,\u00a0p. 79. <span class='footnotereverse'><a href='#fnref-3477-1'>&#8617;<\/a><\/span><\/li><li id='fn-3477-2'> Peter Levine,\u00a0 2010, p. 82, Diane Poole Heller with Laurence S. Heller, p.\u00a0xx.  <span class='footnotereverse'><a href='#fnref-3477-2'>&#8617;<\/a><\/span><\/li><li id='fn-3477-3'> Peter Levine, 2010, pp. 83-86.  <span class='footnotereverse'><a href='#fnref-3477-3'>&#8617;<\/a><\/span><\/li><li id='fn-3477-4'> \u00a0Diane Poole Heller with Laurence S. \u00a0Heller, p. 63. <span class='footnotereverse'><a href='#fnref-3477-4'>&#8617;<\/a><\/span><\/li><li id='fn-3477-5'> Daniel Stern, 2004, p. 167. \u00a0For a glossary of the terms used by Stern, see the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/?p=4024\">Appendix<\/a>\u00a0to this post. <span class='footnotereverse'><a href='#fnref-3477-5'>&#8617;<\/a><\/span><\/li><li id='fn-3477-6'> Daniel Stern, \u00a02004, p. 168, my italics and punctuation. <span class='footnotereverse'><a href='#fnref-3477-6'>&#8617;<\/a><\/span><\/li><li id='fn-3477-7'> \u00a0<em>Id.<\/em> <span class='footnotereverse'><a href='#fnref-3477-7'>&#8617;<\/a><\/span><\/li><li id='fn-3477-8'> \u00a0&#8220;Emotionally attuned and contingent communication between two individuals creates interpersonal resonance: each member of the dyad is influenced by the other.\u00a0\u00a0 Within the brain, . . . \u00a0distinct neural circuits become involved in a resonating state.&#8221; Daniel Siegel, 2012, p. 362. <span class='footnotereverse'><a href='#fnref-3477-8'>&#8617;<\/a><\/span><\/li><li id='fn-3477-9'> J. G. Bennett, 1989, p. 21. <span class='footnotereverse'><a href='#fnref-3477-9'>&#8617;<\/a><\/span><\/li><li id='fn-3477-10'> <em>Cf.<\/em>\u00a0Edward Slingerland, 2003, 2014. <span class='footnotereverse'><a href='#fnref-3477-10'>&#8617;<\/a><\/span><\/li><\/ol><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A post about the tension between technique and presence during deep moments of resolution in trauma healing, spirituality and mediation.  True mastery is not &#8220;doing&#8221; but wu wei, the ability to act while holding this tension. Draws on Peter Levine&#8217;s trauma work, (Somatic Experiencing\u00ae),  the work of  Daniel Stern,  the Theory of Holes (A. H. Almaas and Faisal Muqaddam), and the work of J.G. Bennett, as well as Elizabeth Bader&#8217;s writings on the IDR cycle. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":334,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":true,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,67,27,75,26,17,79,9,57,49,55,52,121],"tags":[58,25,107,91,35,59,45,21,23,96,51,95,106,94,110,39,62,32,29,108,31,109,61,47],"class_list":["post-3477","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-healing-trauma","category-mediation-2","category-mediation","category-resolving-conflict","category-peter-levine","category-process-of-mediation","category-psychology-of-conflict-resolution","category-psychology-of-mediation","category-self-and-identity-2","category-spirituality-and-trauma","category-the-spiritual-journey","category-theory-of-holes","category-trauma-informed-mediation","tag-a-h-almaas","tag-almaas","tag-conflict-resolution","tag-daniel-stern","tag-ego","tag-faisal-muqaddam","tag-identity","tag-idr-cycle","tag-mediation","tag-moment-of-meeting","tag-muqqadam","tag-now-moment","tag-peter-levine","tag-present-moments","tag-psychology-of-conflict-resolution","tag-psychology-of-mediation-2","tag-ptsd","tag-somatic-experiencing","tag-spirituality","tag-spirituality-and-trauma","tag-stephen-w-porges","tag-theory-of-holes","tag-trauma","tag-trauma-healing","has-post-title","has-post-date","has-post-category","has-post-tag","has-post-comment","has-post-author",""],"yoast_head":"<!-- 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