{"id":4896,"date":"2015-01-17T10:19:03","date_gmt":"2015-01-17T18:19:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/?p=4896"},"modified":"2019-12-05T08:16:51","modified_gmt":"2019-12-05T16:16:51","slug":"superego-inner-critic-mediation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/superego-inner-critic-mediation\/","title":{"rendered":"The Superego (Inner Critic) and Mediation"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/superego-inner-critic-mediation\/e_bader4971-2\/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-90\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-90 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/E_Bader49711-e1357416964254.jpg\" alt=\"Elizabeth Bader\" width=\"133\" height=\"175\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/E_Bader49711-e1357416964254.jpg 133w, https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/E_Bader49711-e1357416964254-114x150.jpg 114w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 133px) 100vw, 133px\" \/><\/a>It is a true joy to live a life free of a punitive superego (inner critic). \u00a0A life which includes a measure of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/beyond-the-superego-inner-critic\">good will for all<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>In a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/beyond-the-superego-inner-critic\">companion post<\/a>, I invite you to sample these<a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/beyond-the-superego-inner-critic\"> feelings of good will<\/a>\u00a0through music.<\/p>\n<p>This post explores a darker subject: the superego&#8217;s (inner critic&#8217;s) relationship to conflict, mediation and conflict resolution.<\/p>\n<p>Strategies for dealing with the superego will be discussed at another time.<\/p>\n<h4><strong>THE SUPEREGO (INNER CRITIC) DRIVES INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>In a previous <a title=\"From Judgment to Compassion: The Superego (Inner Critic) In Spirituality &amp; Conflict Resolution\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/the-superego-in-spirituality-and-conflict-resolution\/\">post<\/a>, the basic structure and function of the superego was described. \u00a0The superego (inner critic) often drives interpersonal conflict because:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>It helps establish a basis for hostile projections onto others.<\/li>\n<li>It interferes with resolution when it judges any compromise as &#8220;weak.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Or on the flip side, it can also cause a person to be &#8220;good&#8221; and co-operative even when it is inappropriate and not in their best interests.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h4><strong>THE SUPEREGO (INNER CRITIC) FUELS AGGRESSION AND PROJECTION<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>Due to the fact that the superego (inner critic) seeks to define who we are, it often engages in &#8220;good me\/evil you&#8221; thinking. \u00a0This is related to another of its main tasks: to control aggression.<\/p>\n<p>Paradoxically, it often tries to control aggression by turning it against oneself.[1] \u00a0But this does not mean aggression always remains confined within the individual.\u00a0 Instead, fueled by the superego, it may be projected outward toward others. \u00a0 This is a major source of interpersonal conflict.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/superego-inner-critic-mediation\/confrontation\/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4905\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-4905\" src=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/Confrontation.jpg\" alt=\"Confrontation\" width=\"484\" height=\"363\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/Confrontation.jpg 484w, https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/Confrontation-150x112.jpg 150w, https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/Confrontation-400x300.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/Confrontation-425x318.jpg 425w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 484px) 100vw, 484px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>For example, a party\u2019s superego may feel justified in judging an adversary as immoral or unscrupulous \u2014 while fostering the illusion that the judging party is more moral, and more righteous.\u00a0 The judging party\u2019s own negative qualities are then projected onto others and expressed as a devaluation of them.<\/p>\n<p>This occurs, for example, when two attorneys deal with discovery requests in a strategic manner, but each indignantly accuses the other of being unethical.<\/p>\n<h4><strong>THE SUPEREGO: THE MIND&#8217;S &#8220;LAW-ENFORCING AGENCY&#8221;\u00a0<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>According to some theorists, the superego \u2014 the mind\u2019s \u201cadjudicating and law-enforcing agency\u201d \u2014 is the psychological foundation for the rule of law.[2]<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/the-superego-in-spirituality-and-conflict-resolution\/istock_000004126135_small\/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2025\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-2025 size-medium\" src=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/iStock_000004126135_Small-265x400.jpg\" alt=\"iStock_000004126135_Small\" width=\"265\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/iStock_000004126135_Small-265x400.jpg 265w, https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/iStock_000004126135_Small-99x150.jpg 99w, https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/iStock_000004126135_Small-275x415.jpg 275w, https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/iStock_000004126135_Small.jpg 565w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 265px) 100vw, 265px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Thus, the community, like the individual, can be said to have a superego.<\/p>\n<p>Perhaps that is partly why parties in conflict often seem to embrace the superego&#8217;s primitive judgments as a source of support<em>, regardless of how harsh the judgments are. \u00a0<\/em>The superego&#8217;s (inner critic&#8217;s) simple albeit often primitive dictates bring back a familiar feeling of certainty.<\/p>\n<p>The superego (inner critic) may also play a role in the preference for a \u201cjudge\u201d as a mediator. \u00a0Parties may select mediators who are judges for many reasons, including the outstanding quality of the individual involved.\u00a0 However, for some people, insisting on using a \u201cjudge\u201d as a mediator is an expression of their desire for the security of a superego\/authority figure.<\/p>\n<h4><strong>THE SUPEREGO (INNER CRITIC) CAN MAKE A FAIR COMPROMISE DIFFICULT<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>During \u00a0difficult moments in mediation, the client\u2019s superego \u00a0(inner critic)\u00a0may attack vigorously, making compromise painful.<\/p>\n<p>During impasse, for example, parties must confront the fact that their previous expectations for settlement will not be met. [3]\u00a0 Superego (inner critic)\u00a0judgments come in harshly because the client\u2019s \u201cideal\u201d has not been met.[4]<\/p>\n<p>The classic example is the male party with a macho superego who blames himself for being too \u201cweak\u201d when the other party does not agree to his demands.\u00a0 This makes it difficult for him to compromise.<\/p>\n<p>On the other hand, as discussed by <a title=\"About Our Contributors\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/about-our-contributors\/\">Leyla Navaro<\/a> \u00a0<a title=\"Gender, Conflict and the Woman Mediator: Notes from Leyla Navaro\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/gender-and-the-woman-mediator\/\">in this blog<\/a>, a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/category\/resolving-conflict\/gender-and-conflict-resolution\/\">woman<\/a> may endeavor too hard to be &#8220;nice&#8221; &#8212; causing her to give away her autonomy. The superego in that case is attempting to enforce a &#8220;feminine&#8221; identity. But when women are in conflict, this too distorts the process of working through to a fair settlement. It may cause a woman to give in too easily.<\/p>\n<p><strong>THE SUPEREGO (INNER CRITIC) CAUSES BUYER&#8217;S REMORSE<\/strong><\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_4900\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-4900\" style=\"width: 400px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/?inner-critic\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4900\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-4900 size-medium\" src=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/Inner-Critic-Stephen-Webster-www.worldwidehideout.com_-400x266.jpg\" alt=\"Superego\/Inner Critic\u00a9Stephen Webster, www.worldhideout.com\" width=\"400\" height=\"266\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/Inner-Critic-Stephen-Webster-www.worldwidehideout.com_-400x266.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/Inner-Critic-Stephen-Webster-www.worldwidehideout.com_-150x100.jpg 150w, https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/Inner-Critic-Stephen-Webster-www.worldwidehideout.com_-425x283.jpg 425w, https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/Inner-Critic-Stephen-Webster-www.worldwidehideout.com_.jpg 553w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-4900\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">\u00a9Stephen Webster, worldhideout.com<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>After settlement, the superego may criticize the result and instill a sense of regret even when the result is good. \u00a0As the judging agency within ourselves, the superego continues to judge, in other words, whether things turn out well or not.\u00a0 This may be an echo of our early, contradictory relationships to authority figures.[5]<\/p>\n<h4><strong>THE MEDIATOR AS EGO?<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>In preparation for this article, I discovered <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mediate.com\/articles\/parselle16.cfm\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">an article on mediate.com<\/a> in which <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mediate.com\/articles\/parselle16.cfm\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Charles B. Parselle<\/a> discusses the superego but also identifies the mediator as the ego &#8212; the one who mediates between the superego and the id. \u00a0Interestingly, Parselle speaks in terms strikingly similar to those I have used <a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/publications.html\">in my writings<\/a> about the need for parties in conflict to come to grips with the \u201creality\u201d of the situation \u00a0&#8212; to achieve what I have called <a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/SelfandIdentity.pdf\">&#8220;realistic resolution.&#8221;<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Without doubt, there is some truth to Parselle\u2019s analogy of the mediator to the ego. It is also refreshing to read an article discussing the deeper aspects of the psychology of mediation. I would argue, though, that Parselle gives too much credit to the ego.<\/p>\n<p>From a Freudian perspective, it may be true that the mediator is the agent of reality testing, even when that is disappointing for the parties.<\/p>\n<p>As I have tried to <a title=\"Beyond Technique: Trauma Healing, Mediation and Spirituality\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/trauma-healing-mediation-spirituality\/\">explain elsewhere<\/a>\u00a0on this blog, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/SelfandIdentity.pdf\">in my writings<\/a>, though, actually the situation is more complicated.\u00a0 In fact to settle cases or resolve disputes as mediators <a title=\"The Psychology of Mediation, Part I: The Mediator\u2019s Issues of Self and Identity\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/resolving-conflict-and-ego\/\">we often have to let go of our egos \u2013 and our superegos<\/a>\u2014and simply allow the forces at work in mediation to help the parties face their situation and to allow the resolution to come forward.<\/p>\n<p>To be fair, Parselle also recognizes this. \u00a0He emphasizes the importance for\u00a0a wise mediator of following this advice: &#8220;<i>Don\u2019t just do something, stand there.&#8221; \u00a0\u00a0<\/i>He also acknowledges that the mediator&#8217;s own superego (and id) \u00a0may cause problems.<\/p>\n<p>I would add, though, that the reality testing \u00a0and the &#8220;being there&#8221; we are talking about occurs in more than a Freudian sense.\u00a0 It also has what I will call a spiritual dimension, a dimension of real growth, of the grown of a person\u2019s being.<\/p>\n<p>As\u00a0<a title=\"Beyond Technique: Trauma Healing, Mediation and Spirituality\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/trauma-healing-mediation-spirituality\/\">discussed recently<\/a> on this blog, this kind of <a title=\"Beyond Technique: Trauma Healing, Mediation and Spirituality\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/trauma-healing-mediation-spirituality\/\">moving beyond technique<\/a>\u00a0&#8212; this wu-wei or action through non-action &#8212; is the magic of mediation.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>Footnotes<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>[1] \u00a0Leon Wurmser, &#8220;<em>The Superego \u2014 Relevant or Irrelevant?&#8221; \u00a0i<\/em>n\u00a0The Superego\u2014A Vital or Supplanted Concept?\u201d 24(2) Psychoanal. Inquiry 141-339 (special edition of essays on the superego ed. by Leon Wurmser, 2004)\u00a0at 183, 199. &#8220;(Thus, the overpowering superego has to serve as a necessary defensive barrier against the intolerably dangerous aggressions.\u00a0 This is done with the readily observable defense of turning the rage, the hate and especially the contempt against the self.&#8221;); Sigmund Freud, The Ego and the Id 56 (trans. Joan Riviere, rev. and ed. James Strachey, 1960).<\/p>\n<p>[2] See Jose Brunner, \u201c<em>Freud and the Rule of Law: from Totem and Taboo to Psychoanalytic Jurisprudence\u201d <\/em>in Michael Levine, The Analytic Freud: Philosophy and Psychoanalysis 277, 285 (2000). \u00a0See also Sigmund Freud, Civilization and Its Discontents 106 (trans. and ed. J. Strachey, 1961, based on J. Riviere, trans. 1930).<\/p>\n<p>[3] See my article, \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/pdf_publications\/SelfandIdentity.pdf\"><em>The Psychology of Mediation: Issues of Self and Identity and the IDR Cycle<\/em><\/a>\u201d \u00a010(2) \u00a0Pepperdine Dispute Resolution Law Journal \u00a0183\u00a0(2010) available at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/SelfandIdentity.pdf\">www.elizabethbader.com\/SelfandIdentity.pdf<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>[4] One of the superego\u2019s functions is to strive for perfection, for the ego ideal.\u00a0 Sigmund Freud, New Introductory Lectures on Psychoanalysis 67 (trans. &amp; ed. J. Strachey, 1965).<\/p>\n<p>[5] See Freud, <em>supra<\/em> note 2 at 30. (The superego\u2019s \u201crelation to the ego is not exhausted by the precept: \u2018You <em>ought<\/em> <em>to be <\/em>like this (like your father).\u2019 It also comprises the prohibition: \u2018You <em>may not be<\/em> like this (like your father) . . .\u2019\u201d); cf. also Timothy Butler, Getting Unstuck: How Dead Ends Become New Paths 34 (2007). (Accuser can cause \u201cdeep-seated regret about choices made and opportunities missed.\u201d)<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>References<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Elizabeth Bader, \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/pdf_publications\/SelfandIdentity.pdf\"><em>The Psychology of Mediation: Issues of Self and Identity and the IDR Cycle<\/em><\/a>\u201d \u00a010(2) \u00a0Pepperdine Dispute Resolution Law Journal \u00a0183 (2010) available at\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/SelfandIdentity.pdf\">www.elizabethbader.com\/SelfandIdentity.pdf<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Timothy Butler, Getting Unstuck: How Dead Ends Become New Paths 34 (2007)<\/p>\n<p>Jose Brunner, \u201c<em>Freud and the Rule of Law: from Totem and Taboo to Psychoanalytic Jurisprudence\u201d\u00a0<\/em>in Michael Levine, The Analytic Freud: Philosophy and Psychoanalysis \u00a0(2000).<\/p>\n<p>Sigmund Freud, Civilization and Its Discontents 106 (trans. and ed. J. Strachey, 1961, based on J. Riviere, trans. 1930).<\/p>\n<p>Sigmund Freud, New Introductory Lectures on Psychoanalysis 67 (trans. &amp; ed. J. Strachey, 1965).<\/p>\n<p>Leon Wurmser, &#8220;<em>The Superego \u2014 Relevant or Irrelevant?&#8221; \u00a0i<\/em>n\u00a0The Superego\u2014A Vital or Supplanted Concept?\u201d 24(2) Psychoanal. Inquiry 141-33<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It is a true joy to live life free of a punitive superego (inner critic).  In order to do this, though, we have to learn about the phenomenon of judgment, the superego and the inner critic.  In a previous post, the basic structure and function of the superego was described.  In this post, the superego&#8217;s (inner critic&#8217;s) relationship to conflict and conflict resolution is discussed. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":4905,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[86,67,27,75,56,17,79,9,57,99,120,85],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4896","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gender-and-conflict-resolution","category-mediation-2","category-mediation","category-resolving-conflict","category-mediation-training","category-process-of-mediation","category-psychology-of-conflict-resolution","category-psychology-of-mediation","category-self-and-identity-2","category-superego-inner-crtic","category-superego-inner-critic-and-compassion","category-women","has-post-title","has-post-date","has-post-category","has-post-tag","has-post-comment","has-post-author",""],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Superego (Inner Critic) and Mediation<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In a previous post, the superego (inner critic) was described. 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