{"id":6988,"date":"2017-09-09T08:08:34","date_gmt":"2017-09-09T15:08:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/?p=6988"},"modified":"2022-07-10T13:17:57","modified_gmt":"2022-07-10T20:17:57","slug":"psychology-spiritual-groups-dilemmas-openness-idr-cycle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/psychology-spiritual-groups-dilemmas-openness-idr-cycle\/","title":{"rendered":"The Psychology of Spiritual Groups (The Dilemmas of Openness and the IDR Cycle)"},"content":{"rendered":"

How can we understand the psychology of spiritual groups? <\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Practice in a group can be a powerful tool\u00a0 for transformation.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

To answer this question, we must understand group psychology and the unique challenges of the spiritual path.<\/p>\n

Also key is an understanding of the IDR cycle<\/a>.\u00a0 Slowly, we must learn to move from idealization of ourselves and our teachers to spiritual maturity.<\/p>\n

\u00a0SPIRITUAL GROUPS AND THE DILEMMAS OF OPENNESS
<\/strong><\/h4>\n

A unique characteristic of spiritual groups is that they may be able to reach us on the deepest levels, the level of what some people call “essence,” or being.<\/p>\n

Reaching these deep levels does not, however, make one\u2019s psychological issues disappear.\u00a0 In fact, it may intensify our experience of them.<\/p>\n

This is because, as the Theory of Holes<\/a> theorizes, the world of “ego” and the world of being exist simultaneously. As a result, we may feel our “holes<\/a>” (areas of deficiency) even more strongly precisely because we are becoming more awake.<\/p>\n

Thus, as a spiritual practitioner, we begin to live in two realms at once. This can make us particularly vulnerable.<\/p>\n

PSYCHOLOGICAL DIMENSIONS OF WORKING WITH SPIRITUAL TEACHERS<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Similarly, a spiritual leader is both a human being who can reach us on a deep level, but also a person with their own work to do.\u00a0 When their \u201cissues\u201d meet our \u201cissues\u201d it can be particularly painful or confusing.<\/p>\n

\"By<\/a>
A\u00a0 spiritual teacher may present powerful teachings to others without being able to resist the temptations of power.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

EXAMPLE: Annie\u2019s spiritual teacher sometimes asked, subtly or unsubtly, that students be available for sex.\u00a0 One evening, he started to advance toward Annie in order to touch her and test her availability.\u00a0 Annie \u201cfroze\u201d in position to avoid the come-on.\u00a0 When the danger was over, Annie said she \u201creturned to the more familiar state of a slightly shattered and confused human being.”<\/span>1<\/sup><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Ordinarily, in this group, one was supposed to stay in touch and present in the moment.\u00a0 Sensing the body was one of their practices. Annie\u2019s freeze was an act of survival but also an act in opposition to the key teachings she was studying.<\/p>\n

It might be easy to conclude that Annie\u2019s teacher was just a fraud.\u00a0 But the case is not necessarily that simple.\u00a0 Annie\u2019s teacher was Georges Gurdjieff, often regarded as one of the most seminal, if very controversial spiritual teachers<\/a> of our time.<\/p>\n

In Annie\u2019s case the conduct was egregious. However, when the conduct is less extreme, it can be even more confusing for the student.<\/p>\n

SELF-ABNEGATION AND THE NEED FOR SAFETY ON THE SPIRITUAL PATH
<\/strong><\/h4>\n

In some traditions, particularly monastic paths that\u00a0 believe there is no self, self (or ego)-abnegation is considered a legitimate part of the spiritual path.\u00a0 However, self-abnegation is extremely dangerous in an unsafe situation or unsafe group<\/em>.<\/p>\n

\"By<\/a>
Self-abnegation must be practiced in a safe environment.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Even relatively benign large groups tend to put pressure on the stability of an individual’s sense of self which can compound the difficulty.\u00a0 When this is coupled with self-abnegation, it can lead to confusion about when, if ever, it is right to defend the self.<\/p>\n

Surrender at the wrong time and to the wrong people is dangerous and traumatizing.<\/p>\n

THE IDR CYCLE DEFINED<\/strong><\/h4>\n

My experience is that one\u2019s relationship to a spiritual group \u00a0often parallels what I have called the \u201cIDR cycle.\u201d<\/span>2<\/sup><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

The IDR cycle is the cycle of inflation<\/em> (idealization), followed by deflation<\/em> and hopefully realistic resolution<\/em> that often occurs when we face challenges or conflicts.<\/span>3<\/sup><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

THE IDR CYCLE IN SPIRITUAL GROUPS<\/strong><\/h4>\n

In spiritual groups, the IDR cycle works as follows.<\/p>\n

Idealization Stage<\/em><\/p>\n

Often, in the beginning of committed spiritual practice, there is a sense of inspiration, meaning, and excitement.<\/p>\n

However this also often coincides with what some have called an \u201cidealizing transference,\u201d in which we view our teachers or our group in an excessively positive, highly unrealistic way. <\/span>4<\/sup><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

The more destructive the group, the more it will actually encourage the idealizing transference in its most distorted form. The teacher will claim special powers; the group will claim to be unique and unparalleled in history.\u00a0 Ironically, this hype is actually an invitation or cover-up for bad behavior.<\/p>\n

PRACTICE TIP: When idealization is coupled with a teacher’s bad behavior, the student who has had a difficult childhood may experience it as a re-enactment of abuse.\u00a0 This compounds the confusion for the student and makes him or her even more susceptible to being victimized.\u00a0 It is also doubly painful if one ends up relating to one’s teacher on both the level of being or essence and the level of abuse.<\/p>\n

Deflation stage<\/em><\/p>\n

When we grow sufficiently to the point that the spiritual practice and the spiritual group becomes more real to us, we also come face to face with (1) the difficulty of maintaining the practice, as discussed here<\/a>,\u00a0 and (2) the group\u2019s \u2018holes”\u00a0<\/a>and unconscious elements.<\/p>\n

At this level, we begin to consider whether the group, even with its \u201choles,\u201d (or deficiencies)<\/a> is a good fit for our needs.\u00a0 We begin to accept that it is not necessary or perhaps even advisable for the group to be \u201cperfect.\u201d This is the disappointment or deflationary aspect of the IDR cycle.\u00a0 It is a stage of humility.<\/p>\n

PRACTICE TIP: CULT TERRITORY: The refusal to deflate at all is the terrain of the cult\u00a0 — \u00a0the mindless destructive refusal to see the downsides of a situation and ourselves.<\/p>\n

Realistic Resolution<\/em><\/p>\n

Ideally, by working through the deflationary stage we are able finally to land in a place of realistic resolution. We let go of excessively idealized and unrealistic expectations. \u00a0We begin to \u201cown\u201d our own spiritual practice, and what we have learned from our teachers.\u00a0 But we allow our peers and teachers to be human, not perfect, just like us.<\/p>\n

The developmental goal for a spiritual practitioner in this stage is to try to own the Work one has been taught, to sort out idealization from reality and to continue on<\/em>.<\/p>\n

New Possibilities<\/em><\/p>\n

During realistic resolution, we may now be able to compassionately but objectively point to the \u201choles\u201d or deficiencies that need to be addressed by the group, and even to offer insights on how to move forward.\u00a0 Or we may objectively assess that this particular group does not serve us anymore, and move on to find other options.<\/p>\n

CONCLUSION<\/strong><\/h4>\n

In summary, spiritual practice helps us become more sensitive and aware but can also make us more vulnerable and open.\u00a0 This can be dangerous, especially if we have dropped our defenses with a spiritual leader or group.<\/p>\n

The degree to which superiority, not humility, is the rationale for a spiritual group\u2019s existence is an indicator of an idealizing transference which is crystallized, rigid and unrealistic — even dangerous. At the beginning of the path, idealized views of ourselves and others are natural, but they must give way to realistic expectations, commitment and discipline.<\/p>\n

In short, spiritual humility brings spiritual adulthood. It enables us to commit to our work, and to live in the world openly, but not naively.\u00a0 That, ultimately, is what we seek.<\/p>\n

Photo Credits (With Gratitude)<\/p>\n

Whirling Dervishes, Rumi Fest, By diaz (Flickr) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-sa\/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons<\/p>\n

Shinto Priest at Dazaifu Tenmagu Shrine: By Chris 73 \/ Wikimedia Commons, CC BY-SA 3.0, https:\/\/commons.wikimedia.org\/w\/index.php?curid=1761749<\/p>\n

Picture of Sogyal Rinpoche: By Wonderlane [CC BY 2.0 (http:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by\/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\n

Footnotes<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n
\n <\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Understanding the psychology of spiritual groups requires understanding group psychology and the unique challenges of the spiritual path. 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