{"id":8368,"date":"2018-04-19T10:45:45","date_gmt":"2018-04-19T17:45:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/?p=8368"},"modified":"2022-05-20T12:51:04","modified_gmt":"2022-05-20T19:51:04","slug":"more-on-understanding-hatred","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/more-on-understanding-hatred\/","title":{"rendered":"More on Understanding Hatred"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Years ago,\u00a0 I learned an important lesson about the difference between anger and hatred<\/a>.<\/p>\n

I was thinking of turning some unethical attorneys in to the California Bar, when a friend and colleague of mine, an attorney disciplinary expert, told me:<\/p>\n

\n

“Well, one thing you should know is that the first thing that will happen is that they will now hate you.”<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Until then, I hadn’t really thought about the difference between fighting with adversaries \u2013 anger and aggression — and hatred.\u00a0 I began to study hatred.<\/p>\n

Hatred and Its Rewards: A Psychoanalytic Perspective<\/h4>\n
\"\"<\/a>
A psychoanalytic perspective is often helpful when dealing with issues of hatred.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

The following are some excerpts from an article, Hatred and Its Rewards: A Discussion,<\/em>\u201d I found particularly helpful.<\/span>1<\/sup><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Hatred as a Developmental Capacity<\/h4>\n

[T]he hatred scenario is a later development in childhood that requires central nervous system maturation and critically important cognitive capacities. . . .<\/p>\n

To hate is to hold on to an internal object in an unforgiving way. . .<\/span>2<\/sup><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Hatred as Attachment<\/h4>\n

[H]atred binds the patient to the hated object. While rage tries to remove the object, hatred forges an unbreakable bond between object and self. . . .<\/p>\n

In many patients where intense hatred is center stage it does not exist as the opposite of love but as a substitute for it. Being hated and hating may be far more preferable to being ignored or abandoned…<\/span>3<\/sup><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

The Difference Between Aggression and Hatred.<\/h4>\n

Aggression can be ventilated at the world in general. Hatred is specific and relational in nature.<\/span>4<\/sup><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

While rage tries to remove the object, hatred forges an unbreakable bond between object and self. . . . Both vitalize internal deadness<\/em>. Both can soothe a person before going to sleep. Both can bring extraordinary pleasure to an otherwise empty life.<\/span>5<\/sup><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Practical Differences: A Note From Elizabeth<\/h4>\n

In my experience, it is helpful to recognize the difference between angry and hating people.\u00a0 For intensely hating people, as I have discussed in my article, Emancipation from Hatred and Trauma in Mediation<\/a>, any discussion of forgiveness may feel like an attack, or at least as lacking empathy. Gabbard makes this point as well.<\/span>6<\/sup><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Beyond the psychological and technical reasons for this, let us not forget that many people who hate have been deeply traumatized.\u00a0 It is not our place to suggest they forgive the attacker.<\/p>\n

People with a lot of hatred, such as borderline personality types,<\/span>7<\/sup><\/a><\/span> are also more likely to attack us, even when it is not justified.\u00a0 Paradoxically, they may also swing between hatred and “love” or idealization.<\/span>8<\/sup><\/a><\/span> This makes for a confusing relationship.<\/p>\n

If they do attack, a deep level of bonding and trust may have to be established beforehand to ward off these attacks\u00a0 — and this strategy may or may not work.<\/p>\n

Learning to recognize people who are in a place of hatred can help us internally to take the sting out of the attacks, that is, to take the attacks less personally. This is called survival.<\/p>\n

Or, sadly, to simply refuse to deal with them, which may not help them in the long run but may be necessary for us.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n\n

\n <\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The differences between hatred and anger are examined. From a practical perspective, the differences can be important, especially in mediation. Excerpts from Glen Gabbard’s article on Hatred and Its Rewards are presented. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[115,13,116,67,27,75,56,17,79,71],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8368","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-hatred","category-healing-trauma","category-law-and-spirituality","category-mediation-2","category-mediation","category-resolving-conflict","category-mediation-training","category-process-of-mediation","category-psychology-of-conflict-resolution","category-spiritual-understanding","has-post-title","has-post-date","has-post-category","has-post-tag","has-post-comment","has-post-author",""],"yoast_head":"\nMore on Understanding Hatred<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.elizabethbader.com\/elizabethbadersblog\/more-on-understanding-hatred\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"More on Understanding Hatred\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The differences between hatred and anger are examined. 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