This post contains profound thoughts on Elizabeth’s post on the Psychology of Spiritual Groups and the IDR Cycle from Avi Magidoff, an internationally known acupuncturist and teacher of spirituality and Buddhism. For more on Avi Magidoff, please go here.
THE IDEALIZATION PHASE: LIKE PARIS IN THE SPRINGTIME
When we are in the “falling in love” phase with a teacher or a path, (“the idealization phase” in terms of the IDR cycle), it often feels like our suffering has been entrusted. Falling in love makes the darkest of winters feels like Paris in springtime.
In fact, for me the definition of a teacher is the one who “takes on your suffering” until you are able to handle it yourself. There are very few people who do that. Most prefer to “teach” in a manner that is really more “preach,” especially in today’s world with such big audiences.
THE TEST AND PERILS: REALISTIC RESOLUTION
But the real test is what happens later. If the teacher/group was just some sort of coat check, when we check our baggage back, we get back the same suffering.
But if I now take my suffering back and it feels different, it is a “different coat,” so to speak. It has not been just a coat check. Then the experience can be said to have produced a true spiritual transformation.
THE ROLE OF COMPASSION
Some spiritual teachers, for example Gurdjieff, are big on “the stick” and less so on “the carrot.” My personal experience has been that encouragement is the “mother of all teachers.”
If that basic quality is not there — the desire to alleviate the suffering of the student, to encourage them towards something rather than discourage them away from something — in the realistic resolution phase, the student ends up carrying seeds of bitterness.
Some might claim these seeds of bitterness are food for practice. To some extent this may be so, but in my opinion, they are largely obstacles.
CONCLUSION
At the end of the day it is the compassion and commitment of the teacher (or the Sangha around the teacher) to the student’s suffering (and well-being) that is perhaps the best test of our path. Admittedly, when we are “in love” we are not likely to apply this test well. Also, there is always the issue of how much we tend to mix the teacher and the group around him/her.
This is such a volatile subject. Anything that starts to “peel” it is a good thing.
February 1, 2021 @ 2:32 am
Dear Professors
Elizabeth B
Tim Hicks
Leyla Navaro
Avi Magidoff
Greetings from Dr Param, Gujarat National Law University, India.
Hope you are doing well.
I am very happy to share my training program on Law, Religion, Spirituality and Justice details with your kind self.
I am equally happy to say that this Training Program is growing with great strength.
In addition to teaching this subject Law, Religion, Spirituality and Justice to my UG students in my university.
As I know, your interest in this intersection, I thought of writing it to you.
Now, it has acquired a kind of its own stature owing to my rigorous work in the last several years.
————————————
Training Program: “Law, Religion, Spirituality & Justice” (LRSJ – 14 hours!)
Who can join?: Law-students/ Graduates, Law-Teachers, Ph.D. Scholars, Advocates, Arbitrators, Mediators, Corporates, Judicial Officers, Policy-Drafters, Social Activists, Peace-Makers, Govt, etc.
When & what are the timings of online training classes?
Dates: Feb 13th – 20th, 2021 (7 Days – 2 hours per day)
Online Timing: 6:00 – 8:00 pm IST
Online Webex Link will be sent through Email
What will Participants learn?
1) Why study this integration of law, religion, spirituality & justice (LRSJ)?
2) What are the challenges in the existing legal approaches?
3) New Dimensions of Justice
4) Implementation of LRSJ in Legal Systems
5) Practical Illustrations
6) LRSJ in our own Teaching Methods
7) LRSJ in our own Research Methods
8) LRSJ to fulfill Constitutional Guarantees, Human Unity & Universal Humanity
What are the Benefits of this Training Program?
Deeper Understanding of Constitutional Law, Jurisprudence, Interpretation, Crime-Prevention, Healing Victim-Offender, New Methods of Legal Research, Counselling, Conflict-Correction, Peace-Building, Higher Education, Collective Development.
How to Join? Click Google Form Link below to Register (Check Brochure attached)
https://forms.gle/SSqcXG3KMvCFYw636
Fees: Rs 3000 (India), USD 50 (International)
Payment: GNLU Account Details will be emailed after Registration
Renowned Personalities for Inauguration in Training Program (see brochure)
https://gnlu.ac.in//Document/content-docs/500d13cb-7324-4b47-95ea-dc5670aa6e60.pdf
Important Note: In order to bring joyful & fruitful learning, 14 hours Training Program is divided into 7 days, 2 hours per day, after Office / Working hours. It is a highly innovative & integral approach to law, justice, teaching, research & social values by introducing spirituality & religion.
Register & you can enjoy creative thinking & learning exercises in your own areas of legal interest to boost legal thinking, justice-outcome & social harmony in life, career, research & world.
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I would like to collaborate with you and at your institution on this integration if it is possible.
I can acquire a Fulbright fellowship from India to visit the USA and can come there for not more than 6 months at the maximum.
It will be really great to work and learn from your kind self.
Eagerly awaiting your kind reply…
Dr K. Parameswaran
Associate Professor of Law
Former Dean – Academic AffairsFormer Dean – Alumni & External RelationsGujarat National Law University, Gandhinagar
Governing Board, Auroville Foundation, Govt. of India (MHRD) & UNESCO
Project for Integrating Spirituality, Law & Politics, USAWorld Commission on Environmental LawInternational Consortium for Law & Religion
Email: kparameswaran@gnlu.ac.in Web Profile: https://www.gnlu.ac.in/GNLU/Faculty/eETrDyIcANEcetcu5IfaLg%3d%3d
Mob: 812-8650-833 (Office) Mob: 94291-74064 (WhatsApp)
Gujarat National Law University (GNLU)
Attalika Avenue, Knowledge Corridor
Koba, Gandhinagar – 382-426
Gujarat, IndiaWebsite: http://www.gnlu.ac.in
April 1, 2018 @ 12:52 am
Beautifully expressed. Thank you, l appreciate your discerning clarity. Many would benefit understanding the nature of such virtue.
April 1, 2018 @ 8:27 am
Kim,
We are honored to hear from you here.
Elizabeth
November 12, 2017 @ 10:46 am
COMMENT FROM ELIZABETH
I thank Avi for allowing me to share his reflections on my post on the Psychology of Spiritual Groups. I also wish to offer my own reactions to his profound post.
1. I appreciate the way Avi uses emotional language to speak about the IDR cycle. Yes, in the spiritual context, “falling in love” with a spiritual teacher can be how it feels for a seeker.
In this sense, the IDR cycle is different than the cycle we see in mediation. In mediation, we see activation and arousal in the service of aggression. On the spiritual path, we see activation and arousal in the service of a cherished goal of evolution. But both go through a process that is essentially dialectical.
In the language of the Theory of Holes, in the case of the seeker on the spiritual path, “essence” or “being” may have been touched. Or more accurately, the seeker probably experiences a fusion of essence and ego-striving — often mistaking one for the other.
The ego-striving we see in mediation and litigation is more a function of self-defense and personality. At least at the outset, ego-striving will predominate. But in both cases, there is probably a mixture of the two.
I have written about the Neurobiology of Mediation, as many people know. I hope someday we will understand how the neurobiology in both cases is different. I see the issue as this: how the “can do” of Strength creates different physiological responses in both case.
2. Avi’s reference to compassion in the IDR cycle rings particularly true. In my articles, in my description of the way the mediator responds to impasse, I did not name “compassion” specifically. When I read Avi’s reference to compassion, I understood he was speaking of my reaction (and those of other mediators) particularly during the phase in mediation when one is sitting with someone who is going through the experience we all must endure, the experience of finally seeing that one’s expectations and reality will not match.
3. Compassion as a theme does seem particularly important to me in the context of leaving a spiritual group or becoming realistic about a spiritual teacher. In my own experience in leaving spiritual groups, it seems to me that self-compassion is what I lacked most that made the process difficult.
In short, when there is a dispute, within a spiritual group or elsewhere, it is precisely compassion for ourselves that is often most necessary and most difficult to find.
4. I found very profound Avi’s point that in some sense the student’s suffering passes to the teacher, who takes it on when the relationship is established. Again, this resonates with my own experience, and profoundly so. From that place, I believe, much of our optimism springs.